After crunching the behavioral data gathered from 25 million users, OkCupid found that Asian guys have it the worst when it comes to online dating. This racial dating behavior on OkCupid actually trended worse for Asian men over a 6 year time frame. For an Asian guy to actually marry a white women, he has to jump through a ton of hoops. And that is of course after scoring points higher on the SAT just to get into elite college to make that kind of dough!
First off, before I met my wife, I was well on my way to becoming a confirmed bachelor. It was not for lack of trying though.
Dating as an Asian guy sucks, but here’s how I cracked the code.
I never had a problem meeting people and was quite social and was always hosting events. I also did the online dating thing as well. Unfortunately, nothing ever seemed to stick. Upon arriving at the venue, I said my hellos and was introduced to a woman named Linda.
She was smart, ambitious and attractive. I know it sounds cheesy, but for me, it felt like she was the only person in the room. I learned that she grew up in Seoul, graduated from the Art Center and had just landed a creative director position at an agency. I felt like we really hit it off! My buddy Teddy actually met Linda earlier in the evening, and he took it upon himself to act as a wingman.
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Well, it gets even better. After some prodding, Teddy was able to determine that my beer belly might have been a factor. My last boyfriend was black.
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At the time, I was working and living in New York City. We met dancing at a club in NYC on a Friday night. I appreciated the experiences we shared, but looking back, I think I let my insecurities get in the way of fully living in the moment of our relationship. Whenever we would go out clubbing together, boys would always hit on him first. Granted, he was more muscular and taller, but when things like that happened, I became much more afraid of losing him because I thought that I was easily replaceable.
As an Asian man, standing right next to him, dudes would just completely disregard me.
I thought that my chances of finding another guy were much lower, so I convinced myself that I needed this relationship more than my partner. In my head, our races created a power dynamic and the pendulum swung more in favor towards my partner. My mother is very adamant and not discreet in her disappointment that I have not yet found a nice Vietnamese man to date. Not only do I not wish to date within my own race, I prefer to date my own gender. Even before I came out to her, I had a black boyfriend.
She was not happy about that. I feel like Asians fall into that gray area of not being accepted as a person of color while being seen as a weird fetish. As for my experiences with the others?
Full of white guys. I tried East Meet East.
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I was on it for less than 30 minutes and deleted my account. Bumble and OKC have been the best so far in terms of matches and responses. However, I get the sense that not many women that make their way to Pittsburgh are looking for a guy who looks or thinks like me. I grew up practicing self-defense and playing competitive sports, but I also cooked and cleaned and sang and danced in musicals.
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The women I have dated understood that I desired equality within a relationship, that we would be partners. What have your experiences been like dating newly arrived Asian immigrants?
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Physical appearance is something they always bring up and they always come on extremely strong and in your face from the beginning. Yes, because my parents have two pretty different perspectives: The fetishization Asian-American women have to deal while dating is pretty widespread. Has that affected your dating life?
One of my biggest gripes with the fetishization of Asian women is that it reduces us to purely physical objects, associated with being docile and obedient. Well, I had a fairly matriarchal upbringing, which is common among Filipino families. My mom assumed the position of financial and familial authority, and my dad supported that dynamic entirely, taking on the role of raising my sister and me at home.
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